Unemployed Kerry Staffer

Sarcasm is Lost on the Right

Even though it may mean nipping my congenial relationship with the Right Brothers in the bud, I feel compelled to post this email one of them sent me. It seems as heartfelt as their songs which is nice, except that I linked to them to share how ridiculous I find their songs. I won't deny it's toe-tappin' good country, but the lyrics...? "The rich man keeps the workin man workin' and alive" Alive? Fuckin' A! We're alive! What do we care if we are totally getting screwed?

On the other hand, I may just be really jealous that they have managed to turn a love of country music and an interest in politics into a career. If only I had musical talent I would follow their lead, move to Nashville, or Austin, or Willie Nelson's bus, write my songs about Donkeys kickin' corporate ass so that the workin man and even the workin woman could do more than just survive, and then I'd know I was truly livin' the dream.

Anyway, here's my brush with conservative celebrity:

Subject: The Right Brothers thank you
From: "Frank & Katie Highland
Date: Tue, Feb 22, 2005 11:15 am
To: couch@unemployedkerrystaffer.com
Dear UKS, 
Thank you for the article you posted on your site about us.  You may be the first liberal writer not to cuss us out and tell us how embarrassed you are for us. I hope there are more guys like you out there.  Would love to have met you at CPAC.  Good luck finding a job.
 
Sincerely,
Frank Highland
The Right Brothers

How the Other Half Lives

Not being of the conservative leaning the CPAC conference was not part of my weekend plans. However, I am now sad that I missed it.

Why? Two words: Right Brothers. They're a band. They played at CPAC. They rock. I heard their song "Tolerate This" and I thought it can't get better. I mean lines like "I belive in marriage (tolerate this!)/between a woman and a man (tolerate this!)" are hard to top. But then, not many bands have songs called "Trickle Down" and if they do have a song by that name they are probably not talking economics. But the Right Brothers are. Oh yeah, hot, rockin, broken economic policty. The lyrics might look like a parody, but when you listen to it, you know it's coming straight from their misguided little hearts.

They are too good to stay so secret!

This Will Be Funnier When I Have A Job

A lot of campaign staffers end up staying on somebody's couch for some amount of time. A lot of campaign staffers in turn end up with house guests who live on their couch for some amount of time. I've definitely logged my share of time on other people's couches and I've currently got a guy quite literally living in my living room. And things were great until somebody asked how the house guest was doing on his job search. I said, "He's great. He started his job last week." A whole group of people started laughing and one person said, "So the guy living on your couch has a job and you don't? That's classic!"

I thought it was hilarious too, so I went right home, kicked the guy off my couch, and told him to sleep in the chair from now on. That's not completely true. I made my intern do it.

Some of My Best Friends Have Jobs

Some of them Don't. This is an email I just received:

Discussion I just had on the phone w/ a chicago temp agency:

"What are you looking to do?"

"I don't know. What do you staff?"

"Administrative and receptionist work."

"Okay. Well, I was planning on answering phones."

"What's your background? What employment field are you coming from?"

"Politics."

"And what was your position?"

"Press. Sort of."

"So you have no administrative experience or experience as a receptionist."

"Well, that's what I meant by sort of. I mean, at the level I was at, I was basically a receptionist. That's basically all I've ever done."

"But it doesn't say that on your resume? What were you hired to do?"

"Look, I can answer phones and file shit. That's what I want to do."

"Well, I can't place you if you've never actually been a receptionist. With all due respect, that's different from answering phones. You'll have to call another agency."

So it looks like I didn't get the temp gig either.

***When asked if it was okay to post this the friend replied, "at this point, feel free to put my picture next to it in an orange hat and a clown nose." If I had one of those I would have used it back when people actually read this thing.